I was perusing the interwebs when I found some information about a particularly brutal bug- the bagworm moth. This inspired me to write a blog about other metal animals, and was surprised to find that the majority of them were insects. Guys, insects are pretty badass. Seriously.
I. The Bagworm Moth
This is the one that inspired this blog. That is an adult male bagworm moth and aside from the fact that it looks like something from a little girl's nightmare, it has a surprisingly badass origin story. You see, all bagworm moths have to endure a trial by fire to earn the right to exist, and by trial of fire I mean they have to push their way out of their dead mother's corpse.
Yep, you read that correctly. Only the male bagworm moths get the right the grow wings, so the female ones adapt and become mating machines who never leave their cocoons. However, God wasn't done punishing the female bagworm (probably because of some crazy Biblical bagworm adultery) so He made them fucking incapable of reproduction. However, the species didn't go extinct, and I bet you can guess why.
Mother bagworm moths harbor many eggs in their bodies, all of which produce larvae that have to struggle to escape from their mother's decaying corpse when they're born in the spring. Possibly the most metal birth ever.
II: Trapdoor Spiders
Most of you will already know this story, so I shouldn't have to elaborate much on why this is so fucking metal, but damnit, I will anyway!
So you have a spider, which is already a pretty monstrous being - 8 legs, poisonous fangs, more eyes than you can count on one hand, and an insidious, drawn-out method for killing its prey. But let's say you wanted to make it more metal; let's say you made it a burrowing creature, able to live underground anywhere there's dirt. (For those of you who've done too much headbanging, there's a lot of dirt.) Let's say you also gave it the behavior of dragging it's victims down into said burrow, so that their long, agonizing death is spent isolated and confused, slowly dying in a cave, because...well, what the hell, why not?
But by far the most brutal aspect of the trapdoor spider is the one for which it's named. The namesake trapdoor to the burrow can be subtly lifted by the spider so it can play sentry to the immediate area. The moment some unsuspecting beetle or something walks by, BOOM, the door is open, the spider grabs it, and the door closes again. In the blink of an eye a life form is gone, condemned to experience its final hours in a world of pain, solitude, and darkness.
III. Anything afflicted by Cordyceps unilateralis (The parasitic mushroom with mind-control.)
This isn't specifically about a bug, but rather something that preys on bugs in such a terrifying way that I'm shocked it hasn't been made into a horror movie yet. The Cordyceps unilateralis is a parasitic mushroom that grows on the back of certain insects: namely, ants. It grows on the back of an ant and slowly saps the life from it. It feeds off them for the majority of its life, but takes a grim "I'll take you with me" approach to mortality. The mycelium (which can best be summed up as "brain-roots") of the mushroom grow into the brain tissue of the ant, and the mushroom hijacks the brain of the ant.
It then commands the ant to climb to the top of the nearest tree, tightens all of its mightily strong ant-muscles into a death grip on the tree, and patiently waits for the ant to die.
At which point the mushroom itself dies, grafted to its host who is eternally locked in a grim embrace with the tree...and then the mushroom releases countless spores to spread across the land, blowing for miles and miles in the wind. Each spore will land and lie in wait, and the C. unilateralis spreads its terror like something out of H.P. Lovecraft's fevered dreams.
IV. Tarantula Hawk
Holy shit, that thing is huge! Boasting a terrifying wingspan and a perfectly evil method of reproduction, the Tarantula Hawk is not only a fucking badass bug but also a great name for a band.
Wait a minute, I'm positive I've seen this exact bug as a design in LoZ: The Wind Waker...
And there it is, called a Mothula if I'm not mistaken.
Irrelevant!
What makes this particularly giant wasp so badass? Well for one, as the name should indicate it hunts tarantulas (which is pretty awesome in and of itself, but it gets better.) However, it doesn't feed on the tarantulas - tarantula hawks subsist on nectar. (Hilariously enough, if they drink the nectar of fermented fruits in the wild they'll actually get drunk, in some cases too drunk to even fly straight. It is for this incredibly awesome reason that the tarantula hawk has the closer spot on this list.) This wasp does, however, use the tarantula for reproduction, and if you've been paying attention then you know it's going to be gruesome.
The male tarantulas are too weak and scrawny to fit this monstrous predator's needs, so it seeks the females. These females almost always reside in their burrows, so it becomes more of a "seek-and-destroy" kind of mission. The tarantula hawk invades the burrow and stings the tarantula. I would like to point out that this wasp actually breaks into burrows, underground and in total darkness, and STILL manages to overpower a tarantula.
The tarantula hawk's sting is regarded as one of the most painful wasp stings in the world. As it turns out, it's much more painful for bugs. The tarantula hawk eventually overpowers the female tarantula, and the toxins in the sting paralyze the doomed victim.
The paralyzed tarantula then gets dragged across the fucking desert to a specialized "nest" that the female tarantula hawk digs out. Before the paralysis wears off, she lays a single egg on the spider's back, and departs. Her job in this grim task is done.
Picture it: the spider wakes up from paralysis, panicked and desperately fearing for its life. This nest is impossible for the spider to escape from, as it lacks wings. Sure, there's probably stuff to eat down there so the tarantula won't starve, but I'm sure it would much rather starve to death.
Unfortunately, what actually happens is far more grim (and therefore far more brutal.) A larva hatches out of the egg, and quickly bites a hole in the abdomen of the tarantula and crawls inside. Over the next few months (read that again- MONTHS ) the larva crawls around the insides of the spider, eating everything it can while making sure to save the vital organs for last.
Why, you ask? Because the longer you can keep the spider alive, the longer you have fresh food.
Eventually, the larva pupates (read: goes through a metamorphosis) and then tears open the spider's stomach and escapes, ready to hunt.
Sound familiar?
Until next time, keep an eye on those terrifying insects. A few of these would make really badass song subjects if they were about humans or demons. Someone go write some black metal, NOW.
Viva la metal!
Sharks kill and eat their brothers and sisters while still in the womb.
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