Poll Stuff :
Another winner by a wide margin, this week's "Who's a better guitarist?" poll showed that most people like Dave Mustaine of Megadeth just as much as I do. So, I figured I'd provide a little bit of soundtrack for you voters as you willingly waste your free time on my blog. It's the least I could do. The poll of this week will be "Which Instrument is Most Crucial to Heavy Metal?" Not to sound demanding, but GO TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE! VOTE!
Now that I have Dave's furious fretwork in the background, I can go into a topic on metal.
(If you enjoy the music of ICP and are easily offended by criticism, by reading this you consent to not get all bitchy towards me. I'm looking at you, Juggalos. Reading forward and/or picking a fight with me without doing so will put you at a risk of me being super annoyed.)
You may not know this about me, but I despise the Insane Clown Posse. On the whole I don't consider rap to be a form of music at all, so as a musician it's offensive enough to be regarded with people like Soulja Boy and 50 Cent, let alone ICP. But, the pain for similarities I have with ICP goes so much deeper, as they have the gall to claim that they are "metal."
This screams at me like the collective wail of a thousand nails on Satan's chalkboard.
Certain bands can pull off makeup very, very well. To cite a few examples, Kiss, Basically any death metal band wearing corpse paint, and of course the almighty Lordi. But ICP essentially tries to pass themselves off as psychotic clowns, and this image is very well reinforced by the makeup. The insane, ranting lyrics and total lack of musical awesomeness only serves as a bonus on top of this.
There is good rap. And then there is bad rap. There is a whole assortment of good metal. And then there is also bad metal. ICP, my friends, does the unthinkable in combining the bad elements between both.
Have you ever heard the phrase "Jack of all trades, master of none"? My guess is ICP has not, or has simply decided to cut out the middle man and be terrible from the get-go.
(If you enjoy the music of Brokencyde and are easily offended by criticism, by reading this you consent to not get all bitchy towards me. I'm looking at you, scene girls. Reading forward and/or picking a fight with me without doing so will put you at a risk of me being super annoyed.)
The only band to have surpassed them in general suckitude is, of course, Brokencyde. No one seems to be able to tell if this band is serious or not. That is a problem. If you had a society in which people began looking at Weird Al as a serious musician, something would be wrong. Likewise, there are many who seem to take Brokencyde as not only a legitimate musical band, but also one of the best bands around.
What the hell? Are you stupid or something?
Here we are presented with two choices :
A) Brokencyde is legitimately trying to make a musical effort, that's just how they sound.
At this point, I would like to formally give up on humanity in regards to music. You've failed.
B) It's just a joke, you shouldn't take it so seriously. Do you think anyone would legitimately make such awful music?
If this is the case, I will be glad that I can still believe in humanity, but there are definitely people who like the band. And the fact that it's crunk combined with "metal" makes me want to vomit everywhere, loudly and violently. And the fact that they actually have a fan base makes me question the existence of the Gods of Metal.
I guess what I'm saying here is that while combining things with metal can be a very positive experience (sex & metal, techno & metal, pop punk & metal), not everything will come out well after the combination. Metal is like a hot dog - delicious and awesome on its own, commonly paired with ketchup (thrash) or mustard (death) or often both. Can sometimes be enjoyed with relish, onions, or sauerkraut (other genres of metal). However, you don't put peanut butter or jelly on a hotdog.
And if you do, go over there and listen to your "crunkcore." And while you're at it go buy some Manic Panic, slip into a pair of skinny jeans, and take thousands of pictures to put on your Facebook under lyrical album titles.
I don't know about you, but I'll keep my metal the way I have always known it - Straightforward, furious, and empowering, marching onwards with just enough room in the army for you to tag along.
VIVA LA METAL!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
II: On Crafting the Perfect Guitar Solo
First of all, the winner of the poll "What do you think is the best sub-genre of metal?" was, by a long shot, death metal. I couldn't agree more, guys. And as a result, my next post is going to be about some aspect of death metal. I've posted a new poll. It can be found at the bottom of this page. Would you really read this and not vote? Tsk tsk tsk.
As I’m sure many of you know, at the forefront of metal is the guitar (or sometimes known as the “axe”). This is a mighty tool, capable of igniting a previously dull crowd into a swarming mass of violence, headbanging, and fury if used correctly. However, it is a double-edged sword – if you don’t know how to use it, a guitar not only makes you look weak and impotent, but it can cause the crowd to turn on you in an instant. Nothing can ruin a song quicker than a crappy guitar solo.
In case you don’t know me personally, or for some reason doubt that I am a credible source of guitar knowledge, I hereby direct you to a website of my music. ( www.myspace.com/billriggio ) If you need proof that I know what I’m talking about, boom, there it is. The ball’s in your court now, you distrustful, cynical bastard. Anyway, not everyone can be a musical prodigy at guitar, so for the sake of your wild-eyed dreams of being an axe-wielding god of metal, I’ve decided to offer up some tips, tricks, and secrets that I’ve accumulated over the years.
1. Length : When it comes to length, beauty lies in balance, not in either extreme of short or long. (Please, I’m begging you; don’t make that into a penis joke.) Immaturity aside, the point here is that it’s crucial to your status as a guitarist that you know exactly how long to make your solo. If you make it too short, by the time people realize that a potentially wicked guitar solo has begun, it’s already over and nobody likes you. If it’s too long, people will get bored and begin to wonder when the next chorus will finally start. You can be an amazingly talented guitarist, but if you solo for too long nobody will care. (I’m looking at you, John Petrucci. You’re still my favorite, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before you get mass appeal with 6 minute solos.)
2. Timing : This is important not because of you or your solo, but rather it’s important because of the rest of the band. There are two moments to any guitar solo that are absolutely crucial, and those are the initial crescendo and the final crescendo. The initial crescendo is that big moment for the first note of the solo. If done correctly, a good guitarist uses this opportunity to send a wailing screech of epicness into the audience, causing their ears to perk and making them ready for the musical glory to follow. (Also, it is acceptable to use some fancy guitar flair before this note. I’ll go more into these later.) The final crescendo, as can be inferred from the name, is the last note of the solo- it should be the climax of intensity right before the song progresses to its next part. The timing of both of these moments is very importantly based on what the rest of your band is doing- if you hit one of those notes too early or too late, everyone in the audience can tell. Expect disgruntled stares and a total lack of awesomeness in the immediate vicinity of you.
3. Scales : The easiest way that you can instantly and drastically improve the quality of your solos is to learn the following scales in order – Natural Minor, Harmonic Minor, Diminished, and Basic Blues. Also, the Phrygian mode. I swear, the Phrygian mode is to metal what Megan Fox is to Transformers – it takes something visually intense, violent, and awesome, and makes it unbelievably sexy. The true value of scales, however, does not lie in the notes of the scale, but rather in the root notes of the scale. Knowing what note the scale starts on makes the difference between an amazing solo and a solo that sounds awkward and just doesn’t fit in. (Although, to be fair, there have been amazing guitarists who never learned a single note of scales.)
4. The Big Finale : I would consider this the most important thing I’ve listed here. If you only learn one thing from wasting your time on my blog, let it be this. The last note you hit in your solo is the most important one. Humans, by nature, have a depressingly short attention span. When you play a solo for the crowd, all that will be fresh in their minds is the last note you hit. If you’ve learned your scales, end on a higher octave of the root note. (In layman’s terms, end your solo on the same note that the scale started on, only at a higher pitch.) A lot of guitarists have a problem with this, especially those who try to emulate Dimebag of Pantera. He never learned any scales, yet always had great solos. If you try to imitate him, for the love of God, end on one of those “sweet notes.” You know, those notes that just sound right. It can be the difference between “Wow, that guy is a really good guitarist! I feel compelled to give him a blowjob” and “Uh…that was weird. Oh well, this chorus makes up for it.” Welcome to Dry-Dick City, population : you. And to think, if you had only listened to my advice…
5. Flourishes and Flair : These are those intricate little trills that you’ll see guitarists throw in now and then. While not ENTIRELY necessary, these are often a good way to show off how talented you are. (Don’t judge, lead guitar is basically all about ego.) Sweep picking, arpeggios, tremolo picking, and all sorts of other fiery little licks here and there can be used to spice up your solo. However, be careful – if you use too many, your solo will sound disjointed and awkward. On the other hand, if you use too little flair, you won’t be very metal. (To clarify, there can be good guitarists with absolutely no flair. For example, Kurt Cobain. But his music was by no stretch of the term “metal”. ) Compare a guitar solo in this example to a cannibal. If the cannibal doesn’t eat enough human flesh, he is malnourished and weak, and can no longer compete with his friends. But if he eats too much human flesh, he gets bloated and unwieldy, causing him to fall behind. Your solo must be like a moderate cannibal! ……that’s pretty metal. I think I should make a death metal band called "Moderate Cannibal."
6. Speed : Simply put, fast guitar solos are impressive and awesome, but I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to see a guitarist have a solo that from start to finish is solely an insanely fast spree of notes rattled off without any regard for rhythm, timing, or human decency. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
So there you go. Now that I’ve spawned an army of Mustaines and Hammetts, I can’t help but feel like I’ve done my part to try and save heavy metal. Well, my weekly work is done.
Viva la metal!
P.S. Think you’re good at guitar? Show me what you got. I DO have a comment box for a reason…
As I’m sure many of you know, at the forefront of metal is the guitar (or sometimes known as the “axe”). This is a mighty tool, capable of igniting a previously dull crowd into a swarming mass of violence, headbanging, and fury if used correctly. However, it is a double-edged sword – if you don’t know how to use it, a guitar not only makes you look weak and impotent, but it can cause the crowd to turn on you in an instant. Nothing can ruin a song quicker than a crappy guitar solo.
In case you don’t know me personally, or for some reason doubt that I am a credible source of guitar knowledge, I hereby direct you to a website of my music. ( www.myspace.com/billriggio ) If you need proof that I know what I’m talking about, boom, there it is. The ball’s in your court now, you distrustful, cynical bastard. Anyway, not everyone can be a musical prodigy at guitar, so for the sake of your wild-eyed dreams of being an axe-wielding god of metal, I’ve decided to offer up some tips, tricks, and secrets that I’ve accumulated over the years.
1. Length : When it comes to length, beauty lies in balance, not in either extreme of short or long. (Please, I’m begging you; don’t make that into a penis joke.) Immaturity aside, the point here is that it’s crucial to your status as a guitarist that you know exactly how long to make your solo. If you make it too short, by the time people realize that a potentially wicked guitar solo has begun, it’s already over and nobody likes you. If it’s too long, people will get bored and begin to wonder when the next chorus will finally start. You can be an amazingly talented guitarist, but if you solo for too long nobody will care. (I’m looking at you, John Petrucci. You’re still my favorite, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before you get mass appeal with 6 minute solos.)
2. Timing : This is important not because of you or your solo, but rather it’s important because of the rest of the band. There are two moments to any guitar solo that are absolutely crucial, and those are the initial crescendo and the final crescendo. The initial crescendo is that big moment for the first note of the solo. If done correctly, a good guitarist uses this opportunity to send a wailing screech of epicness into the audience, causing their ears to perk and making them ready for the musical glory to follow. (Also, it is acceptable to use some fancy guitar flair before this note. I’ll go more into these later.) The final crescendo, as can be inferred from the name, is the last note of the solo- it should be the climax of intensity right before the song progresses to its next part. The timing of both of these moments is very importantly based on what the rest of your band is doing- if you hit one of those notes too early or too late, everyone in the audience can tell. Expect disgruntled stares and a total lack of awesomeness in the immediate vicinity of you.
3. Scales : The easiest way that you can instantly and drastically improve the quality of your solos is to learn the following scales in order – Natural Minor, Harmonic Minor, Diminished, and Basic Blues. Also, the Phrygian mode. I swear, the Phrygian mode is to metal what Megan Fox is to Transformers – it takes something visually intense, violent, and awesome, and makes it unbelievably sexy. The true value of scales, however, does not lie in the notes of the scale, but rather in the root notes of the scale. Knowing what note the scale starts on makes the difference between an amazing solo and a solo that sounds awkward and just doesn’t fit in. (Although, to be fair, there have been amazing guitarists who never learned a single note of scales.)
4. The Big Finale : I would consider this the most important thing I’ve listed here. If you only learn one thing from wasting your time on my blog, let it be this. The last note you hit in your solo is the most important one. Humans, by nature, have a depressingly short attention span. When you play a solo for the crowd, all that will be fresh in their minds is the last note you hit. If you’ve learned your scales, end on a higher octave of the root note. (In layman’s terms, end your solo on the same note that the scale started on, only at a higher pitch.) A lot of guitarists have a problem with this, especially those who try to emulate Dimebag of Pantera. He never learned any scales, yet always had great solos. If you try to imitate him, for the love of God, end on one of those “sweet notes.” You know, those notes that just sound right. It can be the difference between “Wow, that guy is a really good guitarist! I feel compelled to give him a blowjob” and “Uh…that was weird. Oh well, this chorus makes up for it.” Welcome to Dry-Dick City, population : you. And to think, if you had only listened to my advice…
5. Flourishes and Flair : These are those intricate little trills that you’ll see guitarists throw in now and then. While not ENTIRELY necessary, these are often a good way to show off how talented you are. (Don’t judge, lead guitar is basically all about ego.) Sweep picking, arpeggios, tremolo picking, and all sorts of other fiery little licks here and there can be used to spice up your solo. However, be careful – if you use too many, your solo will sound disjointed and awkward. On the other hand, if you use too little flair, you won’t be very metal. (To clarify, there can be good guitarists with absolutely no flair. For example, Kurt Cobain. But his music was by no stretch of the term “metal”. ) Compare a guitar solo in this example to a cannibal. If the cannibal doesn’t eat enough human flesh, he is malnourished and weak, and can no longer compete with his friends. But if he eats too much human flesh, he gets bloated and unwieldy, causing him to fall behind. Your solo must be like a moderate cannibal! ……that’s pretty metal. I think I should make a death metal band called "Moderate Cannibal."
6. Speed : Simply put, fast guitar solos are impressive and awesome, but I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to see a guitarist have a solo that from start to finish is solely an insanely fast spree of notes rattled off without any regard for rhythm, timing, or human decency. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
So there you go. Now that I’ve spawned an army of Mustaines and Hammetts, I can’t help but feel like I’ve done my part to try and save heavy metal. Well, my weekly work is done.
Viva la metal!
P.S. Think you’re good at guitar? Show me what you got. I DO have a comment box for a reason…
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I : Heavy Metal and Why It's Awesome
You know why you're here!
Okay, maybe you don't. But in the event that you do, it's because you appreciate the might and majesty of metal! (I bet that tasty bit of alliteration just made every English major reading this squirm in delight.) If you and metal don't get along, I'd be inclined to question what the hell you were doing reading this, but the fact that you are reading it means that someone, somewhere is validating my blogging, and that's awesome, so I'll try to not scare you away with my pointy, pointy logic.
But in any case, if you do play nice with heavy metal, that makes you just a little bit superior to everyone else. Do you know why? Because at its titanium core, metal is driven by passion.
That fire in your belly that acts up whenever you get pushed down? That little pulse from your Id that whispers "killlllllllll....." in your ear when someone else gets what you want? That desire to not be held down, to control your own life? That, my friend, is the feeling of passion. Not the lovey-dovey, "my heart burns for you eternally" kind of passion, or the "lets fuck right now" kind of passion. Not the kind of passion you find in Latina pop-stars with hips that are apparently quite honest.
I mean the passion that engulfs all that is before it, leaving nothing left but followers to its cause and the ashes of those who dared to oppose it. I speak of METAL.
Whether you're raising your fist in the air, annihilating someone in a particularly violent mosh-pit, banging your head, or just using metal to drown out the frustrations of your life, you're doing something passionate. You're allowing some part of you to still feel, and in a world where everyone is dying from the inside, its nice to feel alive. That's why metal is so awesome, and that is exactly why I've decided to dedicate this blog to spreading the glorious word of metal.
Viva la metal!
Okay, maybe you don't. But in the event that you do, it's because you appreciate the might and majesty of metal! (I bet that tasty bit of alliteration just made every English major reading this squirm in delight.) If you and metal don't get along, I'd be inclined to question what the hell you were doing reading this, but the fact that you are reading it means that someone, somewhere is validating my blogging, and that's awesome, so I'll try to not scare you away with my pointy, pointy logic.
But in any case, if you do play nice with heavy metal, that makes you just a little bit superior to everyone else. Do you know why? Because at its titanium core, metal is driven by passion.
That fire in your belly that acts up whenever you get pushed down? That little pulse from your Id that whispers "killlllllllll....." in your ear when someone else gets what you want? That desire to not be held down, to control your own life? That, my friend, is the feeling of passion. Not the lovey-dovey, "my heart burns for you eternally" kind of passion, or the "lets fuck right now" kind of passion. Not the kind of passion you find in Latina pop-stars with hips that are apparently quite honest.
I mean the passion that engulfs all that is before it, leaving nothing left but followers to its cause and the ashes of those who dared to oppose it. I speak of METAL.
Whether you're raising your fist in the air, annihilating someone in a particularly violent mosh-pit, banging your head, or just using metal to drown out the frustrations of your life, you're doing something passionate. You're allowing some part of you to still feel, and in a world where everyone is dying from the inside, its nice to feel alive. That's why metal is so awesome, and that is exactly why I've decided to dedicate this blog to spreading the glorious word of metal.
Viva la metal!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
