Greetings, acolytes of metal. I was thinking about being gone for so long, and I just read that "Sorry for disappearing but I'm back now" post, and decided that while it's fairly metal, it doesn't actually discuss anything metal per se (unless you count exhuming your own corpse and returning from the dead.) And plus, it's not exactly fair to just come back with a short little post that's basically saying "Hey guys, I'm back but don't expect a real post until next week."
Fuck that. I'm going to produce a normal length, metal-as-steel post so this is the official metal return to form.
Also, I'm thinking of changing the name from "Metal (And Other Silly Things)" to "Mind Over Metal." More on that later.
Anyway, I figure it would be a fertile topic to talk a little bit about what goes into one of these blogs, particularly my focus on metaphors. Such a topic contains several good points, and lots of excuses to make metal metaphors.
(I fucking love alliteration.)
((Which is a pretty nifty segue.))
\m/ -Metallic Metaphors- \m/
When writing a metal blog, it should be obvious that intense, metal comparisons and explanations are required. Even if the subject in question is markedly un-metal, there's always a way to roll it up into a clever witticism that sounds like it could be spouted from the mouth of Satan. For example, I enjoy incense. Incense makes a room smell nice when you burn it. Not very metal, right?
But...tweak it a little bit...
"I often burn DRAGON'S BLOOD in my chambers, for no other reason than because I enjoy the smell."
That's right. In a matter of seconds, that went from me commenting about how I like my room to smell dainty and sweet to me boasting about how I kill dragons and harvest their blood. Anything can be made metal: anything from burning incense to the brutality of polite conversation, even to eating fruit!
Yeah, you heard me right. Eating fruit. You don't believe me?
Every day, thousands of beings are plucked from the security of their homes and shipped to foreign lands, where giants cut them open, scoop out their organs and unborn children, and cut their hollow bodies into pieces- to be devoured one by one.
That's some Cannibal Corpse shit right there.
VIVA LA METAL.
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